Dreams

wondering

I am a very light sleeper. I wake up at the faintest of noise. Sometimes when sleeping I can feel when someone is staring at me, and then wake up. I have an internal alarm clock in my head, and can wake up within a minute or two when I tell myself I need to get up without an actual alarm. I easily  wake up 15—20 times a night. I can’t even remember the last time I slept for an hour straight. I’ve always been this way and probably always will be. And being in prison, with all sorts of noises throughout the night, I’m probably even a lighter sleeper than I used to be.

Most people say they don’t remember their dreams. With me being such a light sleeper, I remember all of my dreams the next morning. I can’t even keep track how many dreams I have a night. They obviously aren’t very long. And most times, I can continue right where I left off after waking up. I do what I want to in my dreams because I know it’s a dream. Strange, I know.

Being in prison I have all the time in the world to think and to dream. I guess you can say my mind wanders and I daydream quite often. When I first entered prison I spent six months in “the hole,” all I did was daydream. But for the past three plus years, now that I work daily and am able to participate in activities, I don’t think as much, and I daydream less. More often still then the normal person, but significantly less than I used to. Sometimes I just enjoy spending time by myself, looking out a window and daydreaming. I have all sorts of dreams. Some are unrealistic, but most are as reasonable and feasible as they can yet.

God puts dreams in our mind. He is our dream maker. He’s also the one who helps us achieve our dreams. Satan is our dream taker. He tempts us and persuades us to put negative thoughts in our mind to ruin our dreams. Upon coming to prison, Satan thought he was taking away all of my dreams and aspirations. He thought he had won. He thought I would continue down this negative path of depression, sorrow, and sadness. He just knew I was destined for failure the rest of my life. But little did he know, because of this prison experience, I have had more realistic dreams come to my mind than I have ever imagined. I have not wasted my time in here, but instead have put forth effort in attaining my dreams when I leave this place. To me, I consider this place a school of dreams, teaching me how to dream and to make my dreams a reality. This is like a practice field on how to dream of living a more positive life, and then living it in here.

I have dreams of my future and what I want to do with my life. But I also continuously dream of making others happy and inspiring them. I know it might sound kind of strange. Since coming to prison, my perspective on life has changed drastically. My biggest dreams nowadays are to make others laugh and be happy. I dream of putting smiles on their faces when achieving their “ah ha” moments after helping them out. I dream of being that inspiration and role model to many by living a Christ-filled life. When others are happy, I’m at my happiest. So I continue to dream big.

As a felon when I leave this place, I know it will be tough. I’ll be looked down upon. But when others see how I hold myself and see what kind of person I have become, and see that it is not all about me, but about others, I truly believe I’ll be able to make a difference and spread that happiness and joy to others. God does not take away dreams. He makes them. For nothing, and I mean nothing, is impossible with Him.

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