Change

change-of-heart

The other day I was watching television and an advertisement for the iPhone 7 came on. As soon as I saw the commercial I started chuckling to myself, and was thinking about the iPhone 4S I had right before being incarcerated. Of course, I knew change would occur being away from society these last three and half years, but I couldn’t believe how fast change has been occurring, especially with technology. Phones have changed, television video game systems, even computers. All have been changed for the better – for faster connection, better picture quality, and clearer communication –  to fit our needs in this ever growing and changing society.

When I leave this place, I know I’ll have to adapt once again to the changes in our everyday world, especially when it comes to the speed of it. Prison living is a very slow paced living, with a ton of waiting being done daily. Just the other day we had to wait until 7:45 pm to eat dinner, which is usually 5pm because an inmate left on medical leave, and, for some reason,  the compound didn’t record it, and thought he had escaped.  So we had to wait until it got all straightened out. Believe it or not,  that happens quite frequently here. But that’s a whole other story.

Outside these walls it’s a very fast paced world. Everything is done with speed. It seems to me people think the faster things go, the better life and the world is. I know I did a blog a while ago on the speed of life. And I said to slow down, look around and enjoy what God has created for us. But it seems as if everyone is always in a hurry.

People are changing as well. From the pictures I have received from home throughout the years, my nieces and nephews have all gotten bigger and taller. It’s easier to understand them when I talk to them on the telephone, too. Research shows that prison preserves you. Inmates eat healthier and exercise more, thus prolonging one’s life and look. I do eat healthier here (no greasy burgers or large pizzas I constantly craved) and exercise frequently. But I admit, I still am changing. A few more gray hairs have been starting to pop up on my head and face, and I have been getting a wrinkle or two on my skin as well. And some days when I get out of bed in the morning I ache! Maybe it’s just my mattress – at least I hope so. I don’t think 36 is that old! HA!

One thing I do know that is changing daily is my heart. I wouldn’t say my heart was ever hard or calloused, but it did have negative tendencies quite often. The few years before coming here my heart was constantly angry at others, upset with myself, stressed at work, and I did not love others the way God wanted me to love. Overall, I did not feel good about
how my life was going. I was not enjoying life, and started going down the wrong path. But since entering the world behind walls, my heart has drastically changed for the better. I hardly ever get angry, upset, or stressed anymore. And believe it or not, I’m enjoying life so much more now, inside prison, than I was the years leading up to the incarceration. In my opinion, change is a great thing…..especially when it is a change of heart for the better.

I know there are people out there whose hearts are still hardened  towards me from the terrible choices I made five years ago. I know I deserve it. But I pray daily for forgiveness from them and that one day God will soften and change their hearts and that someday they will reach out to me. God’s timing is perfect and I trust Him with all that. He definitely knows what He is doing in my life and in this world.

Even though we are changing every day and this world is constantly changing, God and His Word do not change. If you or a loved one is struggling in life right now or is having a difficult time forgiving someone, pray to God for a change of heart, remembering that He is the same forgiving and loving God yesterday, today, and forever. Turn to Him for the change you may need.

change-of-heart

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