A Slow Fade

Big_cross_in_the_fog_by_slavencrniJanuary 19.2012. A day I’ll never forget. A day I cried out and submitted my whole heart and life to God. I had just arrived back at my home from a 3-day stint in the county jail. My mind was racing, wondering what just happened. I could not believe that my life was going in this direction. I thought I was doing all the right things…..I accepted Christ into my heart at a young age, had a job where I shared the love of Christ, had many loving and caring family and friends, faithfully attended church, volunteered countless numbers of hours in the church and community, and so much more. But yet, my eyes were pouring out tears while standing over my kitchen sink, wondering, “Why did this happen? How did I get myself into this? What do you want from me, God? You definitely have my attention now. Speak to me. I need you more than ever, God.”

What I realized that night was that my faith life was slowly fading, bit by bit. I was not where God wanted me to be in this stage of life. He wanted more out of me. And it took a dramatic life changing event with poor choices I made to get my attention.

God definitely spoke to me that night. He pulled the strings on my life and said, “Easy there, Craig. You’re straying too far from my ways again. I’m drawing you back to Me once and for all to get you where you should be. It’ll be a tough and long road ahead of you, but with Me by your side, all things will work out for good.”

Oh, I thought I was living my life for God. It’s just that I had my moments where I would wander too far off His path, and He would have to pull me back time and time again. He was tired of playing tug of war. God wanted way more out of me than what I was giving Him. He wanted me to live for Him 24/7. He wanted all of Me. Being a Christian is not about going to church every Sunday or doing all the things I was doing for Him. It was about a relationship with Him. He wanted me to stop my sinful ways. He wanted me to drop everything and follow Him. That night I asked God to forgive me and told Him that I completely believed that His son Jesus came to earth to die on a cross for my sins. And that Thursday, my life changed forever.